Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
