I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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