the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You are the jesus of drinking
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
