I just threw up on my dentist
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize