i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
