I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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