please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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