Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
