Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
