If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
