five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
