i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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