just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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