she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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