he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
