thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
