I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
