my phone needs a breathalizer
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
