He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
