would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
