I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
