there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
