Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
