She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
