those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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