Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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