Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
