I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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