So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
