I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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