Plan B is the new Plan A
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize