You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
