chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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