if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
