Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
