dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
