Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
