Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
