If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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