His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
