Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
