vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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