At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
