I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
