I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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