I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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