Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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