mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
