I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
