recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
