Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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