Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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