The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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