I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
