i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
