Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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