im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
