We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
