You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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